So sorry for the delay...Croup had gotten the best of us here the last few days. my son is doing better which is a relief, but I am not. I have caught it, but the adult version, which is a sore throat and a head cold. ugh.
Thursdays appointment went well. We seen and heard a beautiful little heart beat. The tech knew how nervous I was so once my husband got into the room she went in right away. Before I could even see the screen she said "Ok, you can relax there is a heartbeat, I just have to measure a few things before I can show you but I dont want you to worry"....whew!!!
I have to say the experience this time was completely different from my daughter and my son. With my daughter I had had on and off spotting which was sometimes pink. When it came time for the HB I was extremely scared and unsure. When it came time for my son I was petrified. The last time I had to have an u/s I was told my daughter died...so to me the u/s machine was the devil. When I seen his heartbeat I cried hysterical. This time I knew there would be one. I mean I wasnt afraid of there not being one. I feel very pregnant. The nausea and vomiting is in full effect. I have been able to curb the vomiting with my moms remedies and advice, but the nausea is there all day and all night. There is nothing I 'want' to eat. the thought of food makes me want to puke. I love it because I know things are moving along. This is how it is when I am pregnant. Gender doesnt seem to matter since it was the same way with my other two. You would think 'by now' I would know what works, but I am still learning, even 3rd time in.
Today is my daughters due date. I remember her whole pregnancy not feeling 'attached' to that day. when people would ask when I was due I would always say "Sometime in march". I just didnt think she would be born that day. Intuition? Not sure. But I dont feel a sadness with this day. After she died I had a day in bed on her due date. Not because of the day, but because now pregnancy wasnt the issue anymore, the triggers would become babies. She should be born 'by now'....and 3 years later there are still things she should be doing 'by now'....like helping her little brother color eggs this week, or take a ride on the train in the mall, or egg hunt tomorrow with her older cousins. Instead I am the only one who remembers, who cares, or who thinks of it. But like I said, it wasnt sad today. Its just another reminder of the goal I didnt get to meet with her.
Next u/s is set for thursday. Thank you for the kind words and thoughts. You are a true friend for sticking by me during this amazingly scary and exciting time!! And I love you for it!
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