Still spotting...this is throwing me off now. AF is due tuesday. I would usually start spotting 2 days before. I started this thursday. Since I know exactly the day I ovulated does that give me a short luteal phase?
I called the Dr's office today to see if perhaps some of the 50 million test results were in. CBC normal, thyroid normal, Vitamin D3 not normal. What? WTH is D3? I didnt know there were different kinds of vitamin D. Apparently there are. And my level is at 30. I didnt think to ask what a normal level was, but she said I was "severely deficient' and needed to start taking supplements for that. 4000iu a day. Some of the girls knew what this was and suggested I up the amount. I will follow the nurses's orders until I speak directly with the dr on tuesday. Once I googled D3 deficiency symptoms, I was not surprised at all. I could check yes to everything but high blood pressure!!! Crazy! The lower back pain was really shocking. I have always complained about my back. My husband says I should have married a masseuse cause all I do is ask him to rub it, lol. Im curious to see when the levels return to normal if lots of these symptoms disappear.
I told her I started spotting and I was really sad because we dtd, like the dr ordered, that day and it still didnt work. She said that no matter what happens (AF shows or not) to call up and let the dr know so that they can go from there. She gave me some tips on when to dtd. That was an awkward conversation to say the least. Never thought Id get directions.
Ive been feeling good as far as the meds go. Still feeling sluggish, and headaches, and loss of appetite, but nothing major.
I dont know where we go from here. I guess continue to regime. Get the vitamin D3 up. keeping having my heart broken?
On a different note..........
I had some time to play with my son in the snow today. Ive dreamt of this moment for a LONG time! When my daughter died it snowed the 'worst' this area has seen in a while. I couldnt stand to see snow. It literally gave me triggers of her burial. When I was pregnant with my rainbow it snowed more than anything else :/ One time it snowed 20inches!!! The more it snowed with him, the more I started to imagine playing with him in it. It made that sadness a little brighter.
Last year he was too small. he hated it actually and it didnt snow more than a few times. TODAY? Today he loved it. He played and I took pics, and videos and videos and pics. I wanted to make sure I remembered this moment forever. A moment I never imagined Id be able to have. And I stopped. Literally. I stared at him. I realized I have right in front of me what I keep dreaming for. I want more because he has done so much for my heart.
We cooked dinner together like we do every night. Again I stopped and stared at him. I sucked the tears in watching him "chop" the shavings on the zucchini. Another moment I never thought Id have.
So while yesterday I felt cheated. Today I feel lucky. Some dont even have this....and for that I am grateful <3
Thank you for your kind words and comments. It isnt usual for me to share such personal things like this. My daughters death was different. This makes me feel more vulnerable for some reason. I dont like to feel pitied. But I do find comfort in knowing I am 'not alone'.
xo
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