Ive been reading a lot tonight on break through bleeding. Many sites say its normal to have this a day or 2 before AF (spotting) but 6days before warrants checking it out. Some sites said pregnancy related, fibroids, estrogen levels dropping etc. The fibroids make sense to me. But why this month? Of all the months we have been ttc, this is the 1st month I have it so soon. Could it be the progesterone causing this to start so soon?
When I seen the red last night I was pretty certain AF was starting and I was OK. I didnt cry and I didnt feel like I was defeated. I just felt like I had to really think hard about when I would TTC again. I dont feel safe trying with these levels all screwed up.
But something in me is still holding onto hope this isnt over, and I KNOW its crazy. I dont feel pregnant at all. I have headaches, but this is most likely these pills. Anything I am feeling is all pointing to AF. Ive become a pro, but until I see that red again it isnt over....thats what is annoying me.
I was fine last night because I felt like I was getting the answer. I didnt have to play the guessing game. I didnt have to keep wondering if my body was doing this again. This dragging my face through the mud is really annoying!!!
I didnt take the progesterone last night because I thought AF started. My dr ordered me to stop if it showed up. Since it didnt show up 'officially' I took it tonight. All my years in the RR I remembered alot of girls spotted on n off because of progesterone and I wondered if that is what caused this early spotting and not necessarily AF. I wish AF would just start already so I can stop this guessing game. I know its coming. I feel it. I just need to see it.
I will say though I woke up with a lot of energy today. I was able to actually CLEAN my house and mop and get it back to looking like its my house and not an abandoned shack. Im embarassed to say the dust in my bedroom was able to have the words "Clean me" written into them :/ That is sooooo unlike me! Ive just been picking my battles this month. Between being so depressed her bday is coming up and feeling like shit, I couldnt do what I usually do and thats ok. I allowed myself that much at least. I had 3 laundry bags full of clean clothes that needed to be put away for a few days already. My poor husband had been 'shopping' out of them, without complaint. He knows I am doing my best. Im not a super woman as much as I try to be. The most important thing to focus on this month was my son, and thats all I really cared to look after.
I usually dont say this, but I wish I had a magic ball to see how things played out for the rest of this year. A friend pointed out tomorrow starts the Chinese New Year, the year of the water snake. I came across this tonight as well, pretty cool. Hope its true for me and many of my friends ttc :::
The WATER SNAKE of 2013, paves the path for re-birth, new beginnings and transformation as she sheds her skin.
Water is the womb of life and seeds being planted for the future. By the year of the HORSE in 2014, when the elements finally line up amicably–wood for growth and creativity and fire for passion –the world will feel right again. The Water Snake year will plant the embryo to bear fruit in 2014. This is a time to set your ship on course to manifest your wildest dreams.
This year let go of all attachments—emotional, mental, physical, financial, and spiritual- that may be holding you back. Transform them, like the Water Snake, into something of value that will help you move ahead to the next level of your be-ing. As with anything, you must research your past to detect patterns and behaviors that no longer work for you in order to change the course of the future.
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