Dr appt update...

Im sorry to have kept you all waiting this long.  There was a lot of information given and I just needed to absorb it all.

The office is beautiful, the staff is friendly and respectful.  They all addressed me by name, even those women I had no direction connection with.  I was really impressed.

First thing we did was the consult with the nurse where she asked all the normal questions.  We spoke about my daughters pregnancy, birth and death.  Family history.  My sons pregnancy and birth etc.

I was then brought into an exam room.  The u/s tech introduced herself and gave me time to change.  The Dr came in and we introduced ourselves.  The u/s tech began the exam with a transvaginal u/s.  I was pretty shocked by that.  Within minutes the Dr began pointing out the "fundal fibroid".  And before I knew it there were 5. 2 of which are 'twins' connected to each other.  the are all in the uterine lining.  Then he says "You have not ovulated as of yet, the uterine line doesnt show any signs of progesterone." Again I was shocked to see how much I was hearing about my uterus in like 10min.  They began to look at my ovaries for PCOS.  He pointed out my left ovary has about 3 cysts but "nothing to write home about. And its not enough to directly indicate you have PCOS, which would be connected to the PAI".  The other ovary how ever did show signs of a corpes luteum and from what he can tell I ovulated early today, which would explain why the uterus walls didnt show anything yet.

We spoke about how the last time I had a fibroid I was pregnant with my daughter.  He explained how half of women have them and they do not pose any problems.  Drs like to 'blame' loss on fibroids when they do not take the time to look more into the reasons for child loss.  He STRESSED for me not to google because I will be very scared about what it will tell me.  He said unless it was blocking the tubes or cervix it would not affect my fertility.

He pointed out my c section scar and how poorly it healed.  He also said that it make pose an issue in a pregnancy and would need to be monitored closely.  For what?  For uterine rupture, like I already didnt have enough to fucking worry about!!!

We spoke about our failed attempts at ttc.  He said that many woman with PAI will have months were they dont ovulate, and months where they do.  It has some to do with PCOS and it has some to do with the insulin issues it brings. (dont remember exactly how he put it). But since he didnt examine me those times he cant say if I did or didnt.  He actually does not thing baby aspirin had anything at ALL to do with me not ovulating.  The dosage was not strong enough to affect it negatively.  So as far as he is concerned we may have actually conceived (like I suspected) and the baby didnt stick.  He said 60%...SIXTY% of women with PAI will have lost a baby before they even get their period because implantation fails....thats a high number, right?  He said that I am not too 'old' but with what I have it may be the reason I have been struggling.  The younger you are the easier it is.  He fears though, that if I dont ttc that eventually I will stop ovulating all together.  That is when he scared me into knowing I need to take action NOW.

He was so sympathetic to my stillbirth.  He was shocked that the OB for her birth would have just said it was a "fluke" when the findings he sees in front of him in her autopsy all point to clotting issues.  He was happy to see that lovenox worked for my son, but that because of my recent issues he wants to introduce some new treatments for my plan.

I asked him about the 'sticky thing'.  I have never asked a dr about this because I never needed direction on how to TTC.  He told me that it doesnt mean you ovulated that day, but that ovulation will occur in a few days.  Its a good indication that things are working 'properly' but that not every will notice it.  Of course I do because I have it happening, and I really dont know how you could miss it???

Metformin is one.  I have seen this word around, but dont know much about it.  I will have to take 2 a day. 1 in the morning and 1 at night.  He said that it may upset my stomach and if I was to get pregnant I would take it until 12w.  The other is prometrium.  He said it will help to sustain a healthy pregnancy.  The last 'new' thing is Metanx.  It is a vitamin specifically for MTHFR patients, and get this!! HE himself suffers from MTHFR and takes it as well, every day, for the rest of his life.  He is a miracle baby.  His mother almost lost him, and bled for almost 5months of her pregnancy.  He is probably in his 50s/60s.

He asked about my history with depression and how I treat it.  I told him the truth, I dont take any meds and dont want to.  I meditate and paint, and due to the fact I am NOT suicidal, it works for me.  And he agreed.  He was really happy with my diet and way of living.  He said I didnt need to stop drinking completely, that a glass of red wine would not only be ok, but it would be beneficial for me.  Too bad I like heinekens LOL, which he said "Oh no, thats no good" haha!

This dr told me that I will get pregnant.  He doesnt think I will have much trouble, especially with this little cocktail of pills I will be on.  But he doesnt think I am in a position to pick and choose which months I want to ttc.  He actually sent me home with 'homework' to dtd since we will know for sure (with the blood work i took tonight) if I actually did ovulate this morning.  The egg will only be good for 24hrs.

If it doesnt work this time, more testing will be done.  I am not sure how much I am willing to do before I have to accept its not going to happen.

I cried, but not as much as you would think.  I kind of knew everything he told me, I just needed a wand to confirm it.  I knew I was ovulating but I wasnt sure.  I knew PAI was the problem, but I wasnt sure.  I knew we probably did conceive, but we will never truly know.

I have a ton of blood work to do tomorrow.  I have to pick up the new meds.  I have a prescription for a beta count to be done in 12-14 days.  When he handed me that paper I nearly puked.  "You are pretty confident dr arent you?"  And he said "I am.  You are ovulating.  If it doesnt happen we will take it from there".

So there I have it.  5 fibroids, 3 cysts, I am ovulating, PAI is probably fucking with me, I may have signs of PCOS, I need to start new meds, and I LOVE this dr!

I loved knowing he had what I had, because that means he wants to know MORE about it.  He is writing a book that should be out in June.  He said they were going to have some illustrations done inside and was really impressed with the paintings I showed him ( I showed him the 2 recent ones I did for my daughter).  He nearly teared up with the one with the mom handing the baby to the Angel.  He told me it was the most precious thing he has ever seen.

He was compassionate, knowledgeable, supportive, positive, and above all..HE DIDNT BULLSHIT ME.  What I have isnt a joke.  Its actually connected to type 2 diabetes and he tested me for that too.  Its not just a pregnancy thing, its a life thing.

Tonight we ttc.  Now we wait and see....

Thank you for the prayers, texts, messages and love.  I felt it all.  XOXOXO