The one thing I love about having this space again is my ability to say what ever the eff I want without worrying. Its like my very own public diary. And the other great part about this is that if you dont agree with what I say a simple click on the "x" will close this little window filled with my thoughts and you can keep it moving.
I was pregnant with many of my friends with my first. One of the ones I was closest with in due dates, was a long time friend. Her son and my daughter were "boy friend & girl friend". It was really fun planning their life together. A few weeks after my daughter died, her son was born. I heard this news as I was walking out of therapy in the same building in which my daughter just died. Talk about bad timing. So being I was still in the 'fog' and not really sure of how I was supposed to handle it, I did what I would assume people expected. I called her. I held the phone to my ear as the tears silently streamed down my face. My eyes can fill up with water right now as I type this, because the memory is still so vivid. I listened to her tell me normal mom things. She told me about how she was living in a fog. She didnt know what day or night was because she "took my advice" and did decide to breast feed, and her son is up all the time demanding the breast. She was exhausted. She?
Had I not just had to figure out magical ways to STOP my milk from coming in, maybe this wouldnt have bothered me. Had I not just had engorged breasts for 2 weeks after she was born, maybe this wouldnt bother me. Had I not been the only mother on the phone to never experience a word of what she was talking about, maybe this wouldnt bother me. But it did, and it still does, and it changed our friendship forever.
There is such a thing as justifiable complaining (Im going to add that to my made up word patent list too). It just really needs to be directed to the right audience. Only after my son was born did I understand much of what other 'moms' spoke about. Most people would assume my son is the most perfect child. They must think he slept 14hrs from birth. That he never cried. That he never was fussy. That he behaves 24/7. That I never have to count down the seconds to when its bed time. ALL of that is false. He is NORMAL. The reason why I dont choose to bad mouth his behavior to the rest of the world, is simple. All the things I just listed are normal child things. It doesnt need to be told. If you have a living child, you know what they do. And if you dont, my posts about how I didnt sleep at all last night will mean nothing to you and make me sound ungrateful. Or how he threw my phone across the room and cracked the screen, hit both my dogs with his little broom, threw the remote at the TV, climbed up onto the display area and broke my glass vase, broke my oil burner, took all his clothes out of the draws after I just put them away, climbed onto the table and threw all the fruit on the floor, dumped the dogs water all over the floor, squeeze a whole bottle of syrup on the floor, peed everywhere but in the potty all day, etc etc etc...You get it?? H is NORMAL...he does what everyone else is doing, I just dont need to cry about it. I actually laughed at all the things I just listed. But sometimes? Sometimes I look at the clock and wonder when its going to say 7:30 so he can go to bed...because I AM NORMAL TOO.
I was VERY grateful he didnt sleep more than 3hrs straight until 13 months. You know why? Because I knew he was alive. Because I was already up wondering why he didnt get up yet? Because I wanted to be up all night and I waited far too long for that too happen. Did it make me cranky? No, see I have a special needs dog that is sick all night. Its been like this for 4years now. SO I already didnt sleep and I already had that practice. But it did become interesting when I had one awake ready to eat and the other awake regurgitating and having an attack at the same time. Or when one just finished and one just started....
I find that there are just some things people dont need to hear 400x a day. If you have chosen the life you live, you should expect it to be full of different kinds of days. If you have more than 1 child to raise, you should expect that getting up in the morning isnt going to be a 10min deal. Its a given. You have more than 1 person to feed, dress, and get ready for the day. You have more than 1 person to get in the car and out of the car and into the shopping cart and how your children behave is a reflection of your parenting. There. I said it. (This is NOT in relation to special needs or behavioral issues those actually have opened my eyes up and i NEVER judge a child in public that has the clear signs of kid with either of those) I am talking about the people who choose to have more children than they have arms and then complain 24/7 about how they cant handle them. I DONT want to hear about it, and guess what? Neither does the rest of the world. This isnt venting. This to me sounds like someone who wants some type of award for doing what THEY chose to do. If you want to say I am bitter because I cant have anymore. That is fine. You can think that, but I will tell you that is not the case at all. Each time I packed up my son in the last few months I wondered how moms do it with more than 1. I was already mentally strategizing for the times (I was hopeful bare with me) that I would be in that same scenario. Of course its alot easier with 1. Of course its alot easier with NONE. But when you choose to continue to duplicate, you better be sure you know what you are getting yourself into. Because the rest of the world doesnt need their faces rubbed into it. YOU had them so YOU need to take care of them. Period.
Does my son behave in public? He sure does!! And I know my limits with him. I cant expect a toddler to sit still for very long, so my bag is constantly packed with things to distract him. I involve him in the grocery shopping, so he actually thinks its "fun". I on the other hand cant wait to get out of there because I like to be cozy in my house and not out shopping in the cold. Your children do what you allow them to do. As a child of 3 we were never allowed to act a fool ANYWHERE. my mother didnt have any 'help'. We had to go everywhere she went, including work. We would play our legos or barbies in the back, while she did hair out front. We would sit on a chair at the OBGYN while she was getting a pap. literally. It was all for one and one for all. My mom never trusted baby sitters and our family was not close. And when we even dared step out of line, all she had to do was give 'the look' and that was THAT. Did I like it? NO. Did I listen? YES. Because we didnt have a choice. And although I wont be as strict as my mother was, my son will NOT have a choice either. There is a time and a place for everything.
One of my biggest pet peeves are people who complain and do NOTHING to fix it. I complain about the things I cant control. I even try to limit that. I dont consider missing my daughter complaining. That is not even remotely close to complaining. That is grieving. If you dont like something then DO something about it because your life is what you make it. The END.
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