Open Play or Open Fire Part 2

Open play of open fire

Part 2

It needed to be written in parts.  The 1st one was to show how differently I think from other "moms".  And when I question if I am doing the right things, "moms" like that make me know I am.

This part is the depressing part which directly relates to this week and this "new grief" I am going through.  I was stupid enough to think this wouldnt be a trigger spot.  Adrian would play and I would have fun watching experience normal kid things.  But that wasnt necessarily the case.

One of the moms had her 2 sons there.  She spoke about how great her older son was when he was born and how great he is now.  She spoke about how much her little one picks up from the older one and why he is much more advanced than her 1st.  She spoke about normal life for a mom of "two"....

She didnt know my story.  She wasnt rubbing my face in it.  She was just sharing her experiences.  For regular people it would probably open a window to a world of 'what if' or 'when'...but for me it opened up a door that I'd rather not open.  Forget about the fact that I most likely will not have any other children, but she opened up the fact that I should be swapping stories of 'life with 2'.  She lead me to wonder about how my daughter would have reacted to my son and vice versa.  She had her FIL with her to manage one of them and she managed the other.  Would I have needed back up?  Or would I have been able to handle the two? Or was this something else Ididnt know about play groups?  Do you NEED to have another set of eyes so that you can allow your older one to explore more while the little one sits nicely and plays with toys?

Part 2 is about my 2...or lack there of.  

And it brought up a thought I was hoping to hide away for today.  Will I ever know what its like to be at open play with "2"?  I know what its like to be there with 1 in my heart and 1 in my arms, but Im sure its not the same.  I only have to look after one and the other one is looking after me =*(

Im not going to stop going to this place or other places like this.  I think this is going to be a new project for me.  A way to chip away at more triggers.  Maybe I can look at it as those people who are afraid of heights going to the top of a building and looking down. They are the high buildings and I need to overcome that fear of not fitting in completely.  Who knows, maybe in the long run I can teach them something about this life...but I find it hard to believe anyone would understand it without walking it...

=(