When the nurse drew my blood Tuesday night to see if I ovulated at all I was pretty nervous. Even though the dr had seen what appeared to be the beginning of ovulation and a corpus luteum, I was afraid to hear the results. I asked if they would call me, and the nurse said it would be fine for me to call, but since it was late in the evening the results may take until today to be there. She was right, there were none yesterday.
Today on the way home from a much needed play date with my friend and her rainbows, I called. I felt like I was on hold forever. Not only did she come on the phone addressing me by NAME, she was happy for me. She was happy to report I in fact DID ovulate!! Doesnt seem likely I have PCOS, but I have about 500 blood tests to complete tomorrow and that should give more in depth answers. "Good luck!!" she said before we hung up. I met this nurse for a few minutes. Yet here she was excited for me?? What a great team I have become a part of. I asked her "How accurate are the numbers" and she said with such a cheerful voice, "They are 100% accurate, dont worry ____You were definitely ovulating!!!" I learned more today that this dr I am seeing doesnt just see anyone. He sees women who have had some type of a 'story'. Whether it be a loss or infertility, his team of nurses only come across women like us. And I guess you have to be compassionate when these are the mothers you are helping, right?
I had her on bluetooth in the car. My son was asleep in the car seat from playing all day. I let out the biggest "YESSS!!!!" ever, when she hung up! They reality sunk in. I think it took like 40 seconds. "What am I excited about? I knew I was ovulating!! I know my body! This just proves I was right. This is what I was afraid of. This fkn pai is rejecting my babies from implanting".
In a sick twisted way I think I was hoping (not really but you know what I mean) that I didnt ovulate and that was why I didnt get pregnant. I think I would have handled that better than knowing I could
possibly be losing babies before I even know they are there every month. sigh...either scenario sucks and I really hope that this time sticks!
Last night was the 1st night of the new meds cocktail. Seriously?? Progesterone is like a street drug!! I felt like I was high. I could barely text, type or keep my eyes open. I had some weird dreams too! I woke up with a massive headache. Similar to a headache you have after you take too much melatonin OR when you drank more than you can handle. The part I feel awful about typing is as much as this headache sucks balls, I am kind of excited to get some sleep. Insomnia has finally met its match LMAO! Good thing was the metformin didnt hurt my stomach like many said it might. I thought maybe it was just because I had only 1 dose, but 3 doses later, stomach is still ok. I felt a little nauseous today, but it reminded me of being pregnant and I kind of welcomed it. Even had some heartburn too.
Its hard to wonder what the outcome of this will be. I want to feel hopeful, but I also know too much. Sometimes I wish I didnt know as much as I do and still have had the lovenox. So basically ALL the preventative measures with NO knowledge of why I needed them...nice huh? I would be an insurance companies nightmare if I got that passed as a law. Sick world we live in that we wait until babies die to find out WHY babies die.
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